Something To Tell
by misukiya
Summary: Ayase was so excited to Kanou-san something. upon learning that he can't accept that.. the blonde ran away and meet this someone who asks him of a shocking question.    i don't own anything.. except the fanfic. i was working very hard for thi so..pls..
1. A Sudden Let Go

Peace was shouting in Kanou's apartment. Sunlight passed through the window hitting the new-polished tiled-floor making its glint irritating to the eyes. But that didn't matter tot he blonde who's now busy preparing the breakfast he and Kanou will soon to share. He was smiling and humming the tune of Romance Way.

The table was now set. _Time to wake Kanou-san and tell him about __**that**__._ He thought with a smile.

He slowly opened the door. He tucked his head first and saw his lover, sleeping hapf-naked but he swore that nothing _good_ happened last night. In fact, he didn't know what time Kanou arrived last night since he went to bed alone.

Ayase tiptoed across the room and silently climbed the bed. He heard his low snores everytime his chest lowered. Ayase smiled, tracing Kanou's sleeping form. His small hand gave his muscle a slight grip and was amazed on its masculinity. His gaze went back to his broad chest; the only place in the world where he can sleep comfortably. Next to the chest, he spotted his well-formed six-pack abs. His gaze didn't go lower but his peripheral view did the work. That bulge inside his boxer shorts was the long big rod that always makes him feel like he's floating in the universe.

The blonde blushed and before he forget his true motive in going in the bedroom, he cupped the taller man's face with his small hands and kissed him on the lips before he said in a hushed voice, "Good morning, Kanou-san." He kissed him again when he received no respond from him. "Kanou-san,it's time to wake up. Breakfast's ready. Com'n, wake up already." He gently shook him.

"Mmm... later, Yukiya. I need some more rest." He replied sleepily and turned to other direction.

But Ayase didn't coaxing him. He tickled his ear with his hair which he shouldn't have done because...

"Damn it!" He growled, making Ayase jump in shock. "Can't you understand that I'm tired? I said _later_, didn't I? You bullshit, go eat alone!" And he went back to sleep, leaving Ayase trembling so much.

"O-okay. If that's what you want." He smiled at Kanou's back before he went out of the bedroom and ate alone in the kitchen. He's still very shocked about what happened a while ago. _Maybe Kanou-san was just really tired. Oh~ I'm such a useless home manager._ He sighed before he ate a half-a-spoon of rice. He can't eat properly since his conscience won't allow him. He really was thinking that it's his fault Kanou got very angry. Indeed he was.

Maybe he was spacing out for quite a long time now because Kanou appeared in the living room, water shower has evidently touched his hair and he's already wearing his gray suit that looked good with his black necktie. There was something on his collar that irritates the blonde's eyes. He wanted to check it but Kanou was in total bad mood today.

_It's because of me that Kanou-san won't be able to have a good performance in his work. I made him mad._

"Ugh, Kanou-san," he stood up, panicking. "Do you want to eat now? I'll-"

"No." His voice was dead serious and scary. "After you interfered my sleep? Don't show me how stupid you are, will you Ayase Yukiya?" Calling him in his full name really meant that he's very mad. "You know what time I went home? Almost three in the morning. And while you are here doing nothing, I was at my office working my ass." His voice echoed in the walls of the house.

Ayase was taken aback. He's very angry. How should he ease Kanou's anger? What is he going to- Oh yeah, about the thing he was yearning to spill to him.

He smiled and said, "Kanou-san, I have something to-" But the door slammed hard before he could at least finish his satement halfway. "Or maybe later..." he continued, almost whispering.

Ayase kept on doing the household chores but the house was not that dirty and there were no more chores left to work on. It would be so silly of him if he disarrange everything and clean it again. But he hated it if he hears the tickling of the clock, the droplets of watet from the faucet, the chirping of the birds outside their not-so-spacious house and the noise that's coming from some of the vehicles owned by their neighbors who owned one. All of them reminded him of being alone- the reality he keeps on ignoring.

He reached for the remote that was lying still on the center table. He pointed it on the flatscreen TV and pressed the red button with a sign "on/off."

A baby inside a crib, crying appeared in the 21" Tv. Then a hand put a babybottle in the baby's mouth and carried him in the air. The hand was owned by the "father." He was smiling at the baby as he hungrily suck on his milk. The "mother" appeared, smiling at her husband and giving her baby a smack on his forehead.

"Thank you for giving him to me. Thank you because now I have a child. He is the greatest gift God has given to me besides you." he saide before kissing his wife.

The blonde can't help smiling while feeling his tummy. "Will Kanou-san also say something like that?"

_And while you are here doing nothing, I was at my office, working my ass!_ He heard Kanou's voice yelling at him angrily.

"I have to do something for him." He looked at the clock. The short hand was pointing at almost 10 and the long hand was pointing in the middle of the numbers 9 and 10. "It's almost lunch time, I guess if I start cooking now, I'll end up just enough time for me to change clothes and travel to his company." He nodded, giving himself an encouragement.

He started heating the pan and grab everything in the fridge that won't make him puke since it's very annoying and it felt gross seeing the things you have eaten turn to something that's... yucky!

After cookingthe dishes and preparing the sandwiches, he ran to the bedroom and changed his shorts to pants and also decided to change his shirt.

After the ride on the cab, Ayase stopped at the 60-floor building. He stepped by the floor and the glass doors slipped automatically on each side, then he stepped in. The guard greeted him with a smile on his face. Surely he knew him and the relationship he had with the company's boss.

Ayase bowed and smiled in return, before he strolled to the elevator where more kind employees greeted him.

"Ohayo, Kuba-san." He lively greeted the man who opened the door after reaching the highest storey of the building.

"A-Ayase-san." The older of the twins flustered upon seeing the small man. Didn't expect that he'll see the person who made his heart thump as if it's going to burst out of his ribcage.

"Is Kanou-san here?" he reluctantly meet with his eyes.

That same question again? Why does everytime he comes in the office, he's always looking for KANOU-SAN? Doesn't he know that Kuba can die with just a simple smile from him? Couldn't he see how much Kuba loves him?

"Kuba-san, is something the matter?" He asked when he saw Homare turned his hands into aa ball.

"N-no. The- the boss is inside.. with some client."

Ayase chuckled."Will you let me through?"

Just then, the raven realized that he's blocking the way. So set aside he did. Ayase was waiting patiently on the cotton-soft couch. Eyes landed on the three Bench paperbags. _Why three?_ That's it! He also made lunch for the two Kubas.

"Uhm, Kuba-san?" He shyly talked to the older Kuba.

"Yes?" The raven excitedly looked up from the papers to the beautiful lad owning that lullaby-like voice. He just wished that the blonde can't detect the excitement he felt upon hearing him calling his name. Somehow, his name sounded beautiful when it comes from this boy's mouth.

"Please, accept this." Ayase, with a slight blush, showed Kuba a paperbag with the brand of Bench.

Oh, this is really heaven. Ayase handling him something. There's nothing he can wish more than receiving whatever from Ayase.

Kuba accepted the bag. "T-Thank you."

"Welcome. Hope you like the bento. And I shall also give this to Misao-san," he bowed as he turned his heels to Misao who was frowning t the papers on the desk.

"-san? Ao-san? Misao-san?"

At last, after several calls, Misao looked at him. "A-Ayase-san." He stood up from his chair. "G-gomen... I was so busy analyzing the papers. Somehow, something is wrong with them why I can't understand them." He scratched his head and slowly went back to sit. He again started to switch the papers when he remembered that Ayase was still standing beside him.

"Yes, Ayase-san?"

"U-uhm... sorry to bother. I-I would like to give th-this bento?" he grinned as he showed the man the paperbag.

"B-bento?" He accepted it like a child given a lollipop. He opened the bento box and was amazed by how Ayase arranged the foods. They looked delicioud that he wanted to eat them now, but he stopped himself and reluctantly covered it again and put it back in the bag.

"Ayase-san, thank you very much!" He stood up and unknowingly hugged Ayase. At least he doesn't feel anything towards this boy that hugging him didn't have a malice. But then he could sense a dark aura nearby. When he opened his eyes, he saw his twin with that devious glare.

He didn't understand it but his initiative tells him to stop hugging Ayase.

"Thank you again, Ayase-san." He smiled at the boy.

Ayase spotted a bondpaper under Misao's desk. And as far as he knows, every paper in this company, no matter how big or small, worth a million yen.

"Kuba-san? What's that paper under the desk?" his eyes confusely looking at the paper.

"What paper? Where?" He looked Ayase who was still looking at the paper. Then he looked the direction where he was looking at. He picked it up and it looked familiar. "Oh, this is the reason I can't seem to get this report. Thank you again, Ayase-san. You really re an angel descended from heaven." He moved closer to Ayase and whispered, "I don't know why you fell into the hand of that devil."

"Misao-san?" he covered Misao's mouth. He remembered that Kanou once pit a mic on his piercing in the form of a cross. He's not wearing it now but who knows that every single piece of his clothings have those things? "He might hear you." But he can't help himself but giggle.

Meanwhile, the older Kuba kept on glaring at his brother, but no one notices him this time. How can Misao talk to Ayase like he's just a normal person. Well, he is normak, maybe it's just that he looks at Ayase in a special way.

Then the door of Kanou's office swung open, revealing a woman carrying crying baby. She looked really pale as she tried to hush down the baby but it gotten worse. The baby was hungry or something. Maybe he could feel the evil aura in the office? Poor little angel.

"I'll just make him sleep then I'll be going back in here to finish our transaction." The woman informed the twin before heading out.

"Maybe it's okay to get in?" Ayase looked at the twin who only gave him their shrugs.

He took deep breath before taking a few steps to the door and knocked.

"Come in." His voice sounded scary but evne so, he still turned the knob and saw a working Kanou.

"Kuba, next time don't let a client with a friggin' baby go in nd make a transaction with me. I hate it when those slow-working creatures cry. Their voice just irritate my ears, understnd, Kuba?" When he looked up, he saw a shocked Ayase. Then the paperbag he's holding dropped on the floor and dropped escaped.

"W-What's that, Kanou-san? You... hate babies?"

"Oh, and the annoying person is here. What's it to you when I hate babies? Their so lazy and do nothing but to cry and then suck their mothers tits and go to sleep and do the same thing when they wake why are you asking? Don't tell me that you're pregnant because you can't! And what are you doing here?" His brows twitched in complete annoyance.

The second to the last sentence stabbed Ayase in the heart.

Ayase landed her left hand to his tummy and then his tears escaped his eyes.

"How dare you, Kuba-san? How dare you!" He glared at the man before he ran out of the office as fast as he could. He even ignored the twins who stared at him, puzzled.

And using their initiatives, it would be so intrusice for them to ask the Boss why their friend ran out crying.


	2. A New Hand To Hold On

Ayase was on the streets of Shinjuku, not knowing where to go. Kanou just said it, he doesn't want a child. He doesn't want a... child. He sobbed as he decided to sit on the bench of a park.

"Baby, let's rest for a bit, okay? I know you're tired as well as I am." He cried more tears as he remembered Kanou's mad reaction about how he hates babies. What's so wrong about babies? They're the only angels you can touch and hold in your arms. Their smiles were the most genuine smiles in the world. And a baby's existence in a family means that the couple who made him love each other.

Isn't that the reason why an embryo is miraculously forming a baby inside him?

"We love each other, right?" He muttered to himself. He's rubbing his tummy with the palm of his hand as if trying to calm the baby. But how would the baby calm down if he himself can't stop crying?

"Just a little more cry, baby, okay?" He sniffed and barely forced a smile at his tummy as if he could see the baby that's inside him.

Glad that there are no people in the park who could hear his cries. It's already dark and the time is already eight in the evening. Knaou must have gone home. He must be very happy that the "annoying person" is not there anymore.

He continued wailing. Tears kept on flowing and wetting his shirt. Every now and then he kept on drying his face with the hem of his shirt and sometimes with his forearm.

Right now he wanted to see kanou-san. He wanted to say sorry for what he acted a while ago. Even thougg he knew very well that the one who should apologize was Kanou. But Kanou is one of those people with a big ego. He would say a simple sorry, not to anyone. And Ayase was one one of those "anyone."so, in order to live with him again, he should be the one to make the move even if he look stupid.

"I hate seeing a girl crying." A lively yet husky voice interrupted Ayase. he looked up only to face a white handkerchief. Realizing that his t-shirt's hem is already very wet, he grabbed and dried his face ith it. Making sure thathis face is presentable enough, he faced the guy who calmed him down.

It's no use at first because his eyes were still blurry due to the harsh rub of the handkerchief but when his eyes adjusted, his eyes widened in shock.

"I-Izaya Ori-haya-s...san?"

"My bad. I thought you were a girl again." And by "again" that meansthat they've already met each other sometime... maybe when Kanou-san made a deal with him? Whatever, Ayase can't remember it. "I'm sorry for that, Ayase Yukiya." A smirk came acroos on his face.

He sat beside him on the bench. "What the matter? Got dump by that... beast?"

Ayase looked at him but bowed dowmn after. "It was my fault." There's that lump in his throat that was threatening to become tears again. But he has to control it.

"Did he kick your ass out of his house?"

"Eh? I- no." He crumpled the hanky on his hand as he tried to hold back the tears that werelining on the edge of his eyes. "I-I was the one who ran away. He said he- doesn't want me anymore." Of course that's what Kanou-san actually said. But saying that he hates babies means the same thing.

"Really? That fuck-addict beast said that? I can't imagine it." He Ayase's hair for a while. "So, where are you heading? if you keep on wandering on the streets, who knows there might some geeks out there who would lay their fingers on you. And as far as I'm concern, you don't like it when others touch you, right?" he licked Ayase's earlobe which made him leap up. Did Kanou-san say much to this man?

"I-Izaya-san!"

"Well, I was just demonstrating." He stood up. "I'll be going, then, I don't have business here." He waved at Ayase and then walked away.

Well, Izaya-san is right, there's no place in Shinjuku where he can go to. He can't go back to that house even if he wanted to so much. But what about the baby? No. If he goes back to him, Kanou might force him to abort it. Anything he can carry on... but to have his five-month old child aborted? No! That's another if how much he loves Kanou-san, but if he will only kill his child, it's beter to keep from him...forever.

He ran to follow Izaya and got a hold of his hand.

"Wait, Izaya-san..."

"Hmmm?" Izaya looked at him with those boring eyes.

"C-can I go with you? to your house?"

"Give me 1 good reason for me to allow you be a parasite in my house."

"I-I can do the household chores... for free... Please, let me stay at your house." He bowed down with an angle of 90o. Doing the house hold chores is the only thing he's good at.

Izaya stared at him for a while, before he spoke. "You can also become a wife, right?"

Upon hearing that, the blonde widened his eyes and looked up immediately. "W-what?"

Then Izaya suddenly kissed him on the lips.

0~~~~~0-0-0~~~~~0

Now done with the second chapter.. i thought no one will discover this fanfic but thanks to 13 for being the first one to review in this fanfic..

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH~~


	3. Where Are You Now

Sorry guys for the long wait. I really appreciated the people who reviewed this fic. Namely:

13- who was the first to review this.. THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!

TooLazyToLogIn- whoever you are.. I thank you for reviewing this.

damons-hot-as-hell – thanks so much for the review!

I hope more names will appear in the later chapters.. and to make that happen, I will try my best to make you click the review button. BOW!

WHERE ARE YOU NOW?

"Yukiya, I want coffee." Kanou yelled at the now-gone Ayase. He thought that what Ayase acted at his office was just a joke and that there's no way he would run away from him. Where would he go if he does that? And besides, he can't run away from him because no matter where he goes, he knew that Kanou would still be able to find him.

"YUKIYA!" he stood up from the couch. Actually it's so tiresome to work in the office whole day. But what more tiresome is when you're already resting you butt and your back on the couch but you have to stand up just to see why the blonde isn't answering. "Tch! Does he want to be fucked up?" he was thinking that Ayase was just trying to lure him in the bedroom to see him in a white robe. Well, dang, that'd be nice. And maybe after that, Ayase will apologize because of walking out.

Kanou walked faster and made his steps longer. Obviously, he can't wait to see his beloved in a lewd face again.

And at last, after a long wait, he reached the bedroom and he immediately grabbed and clicked open the door just to see Ayase's clothes that were lying lifelessly on the floor. He forgot to put those in the clothes basket because he was really in a hurry to bring Kanou his lunch box that was gone to nothing.

Kanou smirked. Ayase really did this on purpose. _He's telling me to go in the restroom._

He eyed the door of the CR that was left ajar and in seemed just a few seconds, he's already inside. He wide opened the bath curtain where the tub was used to be found. But… where's Yukiya? Kanou's heart was in chaos. But he reminded himself that this was no time to panic. He took a deep breath and cleared his mind so that solutions would enter his mind. The study room. Right, the study room where he once found Yukiya checking on his phone. Maybe the blond thought that Kanou was cheating on him but he found nothing in the inbox but his text messages for the beasts. And also some candid photos that were taken from places such as the kitchen, the living room and mostly in the CR- where he was naked and his skin were exposed to the camera. That time, the blond was wondering where Kanou has taken the photos in the CR when he always makes sure to lock the door after entering. But he didn't know that Kanou asked Gion to put a micro camera on the different parts of the CR. He even did not know that there were about 50 cameras in the CR. So when Ayase was taking his bath, Kanou would just face his laptop and enjoy himself from the scene. And the most exciting scene- that almost always happens in the CR- was when Ayase would masturbate and he would call out Kanou's name until he ejaculated.

And after being found out buy Kanou what he was doing in the study room, he punished him and they had sex in the said room.

Maybe he's there right now? Not investigating for something but actually waiting for Kanou? With nothing to hide his flesh but his usual apron?

The thought excited him again and he almost fly to the study room because of the dash he made just to get there fast. He opened the door with a smirk on his face but it faded away immediately when he found nothing. He looked behind the door, hoping that Ayase was hiding there but what he found was just part of the wall.

"Y-Yukiya?" he hated it but he can't deny the fact that he sounded like a child looking for his mom in the middle of the crowd. Something was wrong here.

He remembered his phone. He grabbed it from his pocket and started punching Kuba Homare's number.

In a ring or two, a manly voice could be heard from the next line saying, "Yes, Boss?"

"Where's him?" he was certain that the twins had a special liking to Ayase. They took him away from him for sure and maybe doing the things he only could do to him. "Where is Ayase? Answer me!" His own growl echoed on the walls of the room.

"B-but Boss, we don't know. The last time we saw him was-" the innocent subordinate was hesitant if he would mention that but that was only the way to prove their innocence, "When he ran out of your office… crying-"

"You shut up! I don't want you to mention that again. Roam around the while Shinjuku and bring him back this instance."

"Y-yes, Boss." Another sleepless night ahead for the twins. Why do they have to be involved in their Boss' love life? It's him who made Ayase cry and yet when something turned wrong, they get involved all of a sudden. Not to mention he won't even let them look at Ayase.

Kanou hang up the phone. He took another deep breath, thinking about the places where Ayase might go. But he ended up realizing that he never let Ayase escape his sight. Other than the university, Ayase wasn't allowed to breathe in the air of the city and he never once was allowed by Kanou to join and hang out with his friends. He treated his boy a prisoner and Ayase was so afraid to complain about it. He never gave Ayase the freedom to live on his own. In the end, he realized how stupid he was for making Ayase cry like that. Now he's nowhere to be found!

"Crap! How would I ever tell him?"

Comprehending that he would never see Ayase if he kept on cursing, he also joined his troops and roamed around the Shinjuku. Calling his connections to help him. Using his power and position in the mafia world just to find a single person. But nobody seemed to find him. Where could he be?

It was already five o'clock in the morning when Kanou called a break for everyone. Normally, he would careless about his subordinates but who would help him in finding Ayase if his troops don't have enough strength?


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: YOW! It's been a long time and I think I don't be able to see you again for long time again because … I AM ENTERING COLLEGE by next week. I'm so nervous yet very excited... hope I get reviews this chapter. PLEASE?

ENJOY~!

He went back to his house, expecting to see Ayase in his pink apron and would welcome him with his sweet kiss. But then again he failed.

His gaze roamed around the house. Has it been this lonely when he left Ayase alone in this place? Does he also want to throw the clock just to stop its annoying ticks? Is loneliness also the reason why the house looks like dust-free all the time?

He put off his shoes and put them carefully on the shoe rack beside Ayase's small rubber shoes. So small that it was just three-fourths of his shoes. He remembered how cute Ayase was when he scolded him because he intentionally put the shoes on the rack carelessly. And after the scolding moment, Kanou would just wait up to five to ten minutes and Ayase would approach him and apologize to him. That's right. Even if it was clear that the one who was wrong was Kanou, Ayase would still be the one to make the move just to be friends with him again. And Kanou would always wonder why after he'd forgiven Ayase, they would always end up having sex without any complaints from the blond. That's why Kanou was so fun of making Ayase angry at him.

Wait. Maybe was just there out there, practicing his apology speech? Maybe after two or three days, he'll be knocking on the door and… and… he would hug him and kiss him… and… and… they would… Ugh! Who was he kidding? Ayase never glared at him like that. As if he's really angry and, if given a chance, would kill him.

He sighed. He decided to go in the bedroom to have a change of clothes but he ended up sitting on the bed. Staring at the pillow where Ayase used to lay. His large hand was slowly crawling on the sheets and got the big fluffy white pillow and smelled it. As expected, the smell of strawberry and aloe vera shampoo that Ayase used last night was still there. And he's always pondering why their shampoo always smelled nicer when it comes to Ayase.

_Ayase. I'm sorry. _After those words, the tears that were waiting for twenty years- because his parents were always telling him that he never cried since birth- has finally came to see the world for a while before getting wiped away immediately._ Please… _he was so shocked when he heard his own sobs. _Please…come back to me, Y-Yukiya. I need you. I want you. I miss you. I- _he sobbed even more and smothered on the pillow when he realized that how stupid he was for not telling Ayase, even once, how he really feel about him.

And before he knew it, he already drifted off to sleep, with one person in mind. His hands were clutched tightly on the Ayase-smelled-like pillow. As if it's really Ayase and doesn't want to let go of him. Ever.


	5. Chapter 5

Miiiinnnnnaaaa~~ T.T I'm really really REALLY sorry for the long wait. Didn't think college schedule would be this hectic. Huhuhuhu! Please read still my work. Gomen ne, minna. Please enjoy what came up to my mind this time. Thanks. Will I get reviews for this? I hope so.

WRONG PERCEPTION

"Welcome to my condo." Izaya said as he opened the door of his place. It was huge. Bigger than Kanou's apartment. The pieces of furniture were all well-polished and well-arranged. The center-carpeted floor was obviously made from expensive marble. Paintings, on the white-painted walls, no matter how big or small, really looked expensive even if the pictures really looked weird. But what attracted Ayase the most was the glass wall on the left side that has a perfect view of the whole night life of Shinjuku. City lights reflecting on the pale skin of Ayase's face and cerulean blue eyes, which Izaya found more breath-taking than the outside view.

"Don't you like it? Do I need to but a new one to your liking?" Ayase felt a hand around his shoulders. And that's when he came back to reality.

"I'm sorry. What's it again?"

Izaya sighed, rustling Ayase's soft hair before speaking. "You're quite a daydreamer, I see. I said why don't you come in?"

"Oh… sorry." He was about to step in when he saw that his shoes were dirty. He bent down to put them off.

"Hey, hey. What now?" A slight laugh could be heard in his husky voice.

"I-I might dirty the… floor." There was no mistaking that he was embarrassed. His face was so serious it made Izaya laugh out loud.

"Sorry…" he just can't get enough of laughing. He cleared his throat to stop himself from giggling. He put his hands over the slender man's shoulders and made eye to eye contact with him. "Look, didn't you say that you'll do the chores for free? If you're the one dirtying the floor, then I guess there's no problem 'bout that." he smiled. "So com'n…" he grabbed Ayase's hands and pulled him in. "this is our home for a while. I mean, my home is in Ikebukuro. I just had a visit here in Shinjuku and I was glad that before I leave this place, I found the one I've been looking for the whole time." he grinned at him. He rubbed the back of the palms of the little blonde's hands with his thumbs, squeezing them at the same time. "We will live there."

"Ikebukuro? But I-"

Izaya caressed Ayase's slightly blushing face. "Don't worry, once we're there and you didn't like it, we can always get back here." He grinned again. "Come, come, come. Our room's upstairs."

Upon hearing the word room, there was nothing that came in his mind but _here we go again. _He really already knew what will happen after hearing that word.

He dragged Ayase's as he ran to the stairs, with a big smile on his face. He was really excited about giving him a tour.

"W-wait – I can't run… my ba – " Ayase freed his hand from the taller blonde's hand. He almost blurted out his condition.

"What?"

"B-because… you know, we might slip. We should be careful." the real reason was, he knew that running might affect the baby inside. And that made him feel guilty because he didn't get to tell this man the truth. He deserved to know this because no matter how hard he will try to hide it; his body will surely speak for him. His tummy will not remain at its current size.

"You're right, but I was just so excited. I just thought that I heard you say something like… baby. But never mind it. I'm always imagining things."

The room was so big; with a king-sized bed Ayase couldn't understand why Izaya would have something like it. He was alone in this place. Well, Kanou also had a bed this big but that was reasonable since he was a giant himself. But compared to him, Izaya has just an average size of a grown-up man. And across the bed was a big wooden closet. It was simple yet so elegant. Ayase also spotted a door which he concluded as the CR. Like in the living, there was also a center carpet which was color dark blue and hanging from above was the elegant chandelier. The wall paper was a plain light green that went perfectly with the white curtain that has some prints of different sizes of color blue circles.

"You liked our room?" Izaya said with his hands widely open and a wide grin on his face. "We will be sleeping here and we will be talking about a lot of different stuffs." He swayed like a graceful ballerina to the bed and let himself be bounced up and down. "Come, come." He ushered Ayase to sit beside him.

Ayase was reluctant. But he was not shocked anymore. It was already stuck in his head that all men are the same. They looked at him like a sex doll who wasn't allowed to be happy and free like that of any people. They're all just like Kanou-san. ( Why does he still think of that bastard? He's not worth it anymore.) And the kindness that he felt for the man in front of him was just a trick to lure him in his place so that he could keep him in there forever.

He rubbed his tummy slowly. What will be the effect of it to himself and the baby if they had sex? Would the baby die? He was so confused what to do. He wanted to run away, but where? If he went back to Kanou, he might get the child aborted. If he stayed on the streets, he might get raped, but if he stayed here… would there even be a difference?

_No difference at all._

He walked across the room, tears falling with each step he took closer to the man. His body shaking terribly and he was scared. Who would not?

_Baby, this is mom… or dad? Anyway, if you die after this, please ask God to take me with you. I've always been experiencing this thing, baby, and mom id already tired. And even if I hadn't seen you yet, I know you're a good child. I love you, baby. _

In his deceitful vision, the informant was smirking at him but the real Izaya was really confused on why the blond is crying. Did he do something to him?

When he reached him, his fragile and trembling hands found their way to the buttons of his shirt and started unbuttoning them. But to his surprise, Izaya stood up and hugged him tightly. His still-trembling hands were caught by the informant's single hand, holding them in place between their chests.

"W-why are you crying my fiancé? Please stop it. I don't want to see you cry, not a drop on your angelic face, please? And most of all, I don't want you to think I'm one of THEM because I'm different. I told you you're going to be my wife. I won't do anything disgusting to you. Please believe me."

"Of course that's not true!" he pushed Izaya away from him, harshly. "Those are just sugar-coated words to make me believe you and when I pour all my trust to you that's the time you'll start breaking them. And no, don't tell me you're different than any other men 'coz you're not! That Kanou also stated the same. He said he'll respect me, and being the naïve I was, I believed him. And until the time I ran away from him, I was still waiting for the _respect_ he told me." He stopped talking when his lungs were already burning. He talked so fast even he did not notice and his crying just worsen his problem in breathing. "You all look at me like a—"

The blond was so shock to see Izaya's face… with tears. Real tears. "On behalf of them, please forgive us. Please don't run away from me like what you did to Kanou. You'll never know what will happen if you did that. Because… I know you won't believe me but, I-I will die if you do!" he hugged Ayase again, tighter this time and body's trembling due to his own sobs. "So, please, I beg of you. Don't leave me, Yukiya."

Izaya's tears were all genuine. When he asked for forgiveness, Ayase was sure it was from the heart because he looked straight to his eyes. And the words _don't leave me_, are much better to be heard from someone rather than saying it to someone.

With nothing to say, Ayase nodded then hugged the man back, rubbing his back to comfort the person who's afraid of being abandoned by him. It felt so good, so relieving, so… heart-whelming, knowing that a man would cry begging to him not to leave him.

Three knocks on the door brought Ayase to consciousness. He blinked several times as he saw the grand chandelier on the ceiling. It was so sparkly with small crystal beads. It was a layer of five reversed-golden-colored-umbrellas with ascending sizes. And Ayase couldn't help but admire the beauty hanging above him. It was like the chandeliers used to decorate the finest Chateaux and Palaces across Europe. Why can some people afford to spend money just to buy a single appliance? Why won't they just help those who are in need?

It was then on the mention of the word help that the memories from last night flashed in his mind; how he was so hurt when he knew Kanou hates children, how he ran away from him, how Izaya found him at the park and brought him in his condo and how he never stopped crying and hugging and begging him to stay by his side. And those pleas never stopped until they doze off to sleep.

Cerulean blue eyes landed on the door and as if on cue, Izaya came in with a silver tray on both hands. Said tray contained plates that were covered with silver lid. Two glasses of beverages such as water and orange juice were also on it. Ayase appreciated all of those but what really made him smile was the red rose that was put on the side part of the tray. Izaya was smiling all the while on his journey to the bed. A smile that was full of life and Ayase envied this man for his never-ending-energy.

"Good morning, beautiful." Izaya greeted and it comes with a wink, as he put the tray on the bed.

Ayase can't help the faint blush that appeared on his face. "Err, good morning, Izaya-san. B-but, shouldn't I be the one to cook for us? I mean-"

"Com'n, you agreed to be my wife, ne? And being a wife doesn't also mean being a maid. If that is the case, I should have just gone to agencies to hire a maid. But no, I want someone to be here with me, I want someone to love and I want to be loved back." He smiled at him. "You may not believe it but what I felt for you was… love at first sight. After that meeting with Kanou, which led me to seeing you, I can't get you out of my mind."

"B-but I am not sure if I'm ready to—"

He was stopped when Izaya caressed his face. "I am not going to rush you. You have all the time in the world. I will be waiting for you, I promise." He smiled again. He would really like to kiss the stunning beauty in front of him but that would show no respect to him.

And as the informant smile, it was then that Ayase noticed the bags under the brunette's eyes.

"You didn't sleep?" he asked, his voice was hoarse due to lack of water intake since yesterday.

Izaya gave a toothy grin, obviously changing the atmosphere. "Oh, I did. Maybe I just cried so much last night. My eyes feel heavy and I want to just sleep some more but for unknown reasons I can't. Hehe, I must look pathetic last night. I apologize for my behavior."

Again Ayase envied him for being such an expressive person.

"Okay, okay. Enough with the drama. It's still so early in the morning. Why don't you just try eating what I cooked? I may not be a good chef but I think I know how to fry food." Again, he showed Ayase his lively smile. He lifted the silver covering on the food and there was a sunny-side up, bacon strips and a couple of hotdogs and also a bowl of rice. Breakfast meal.

The simple dishes didn't look bad. They're not burned, either. But something in his stomach churned and he felt something going up his esophagus. He has to run in the restroom and throw up, but what if Izaya misunderstood?

"C-can I go use the restroom first? Call of nature." He moved fast to get out of the bed but Izaya got a hold of his thin hand.

"Just a bite of hotdog?"

Ayase forced a smile. He really has to go to CR or else he'll end up messing with the sheets which may lead to telling Izaya about his true condition. "P-please, I-Izaya-san, I really need to—" he shut his mouth as he tasted something in the mixture of sour and bitter just behind his tongue and if he talked more, he will end up throwing in front of Izaya.

Ayase freed his hand from Izaya's not-so-forceful grip and kissed Izaya on his lips. Yes, he did kiss the man named Izaya just because he doesn't know how to make Izaya stop from forcing him to consume the oily food.

_Really, morning sickness sucks._

Ayase smiled at Izaya, whose face immediately became beet red, obviously from what he has done. The trick was done and he started dashing onto the comfort room.

"Hurk! Gaah!" Ayase was leaning hardly on the sink as he threw up everything that was left in his stomach. All the contents from his mouth ended up being washed out as the bond opened the tap. He forced himself to throw up some more but only sour-bitter liquid is exiting his mouth so he just gurgled with water and washed his face with the now-cold tap. He felt dizzy after the puking session so held on to the sink some more, massaging the bridge of his small nose (which looked proportional since he has also a small body) in hope of clearing his blurry vision.

After repeating the process of inhaling and exhaling and some more massage on the bridge of his nose, finally his normal vision came back. And he was facing the mirror and one thing came to his mind.

Disgusting_. _

_You are an ugly duck, Ayase Yukiya. You are not beautiful like Izaya-san said. Don't be too full of yourself. He just told you that because he is a kind person who doesn't want to hurt you. But you really are ugly. If not because of your lusty body, no one would take notice of your ugliness. And beside of being ugly, you are an abnormal person. Look at your situation, you are bearing two sexes and bearing the child of that beast. You are nothing more than an ugly disgusting person._

The cold water kept on dripping on the sink but he cared less. He was so busy discriminating his own image on the mirror.

_Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid._

He punched the CR counter and he felt no pain even though he heard the echo of his punch. He punched again and again until his knuckles turned red and he felt pain. But he felt proud. Because he knew himself too much. If he gets hurt, all he could do was cry and cry. But now, he was still standing in front of the mirror. His image didn't look pathetic, but more like glaring.

"You look better when you glare like that." he encouraged himself. "You can be stronger." With that, he smiled and made a promise to himself. he wouldn't allow any person to step on to his dignity again. The next person to do that will face the new Ayase Yukiya.

He dried his face with the white towel that hung just nearby the sink and went out of the room. He saw Izaya still on the bed, waiting for him to come back. The pinkish red color of his cheeks didn't escape his eyes. And his asking himself why then he remembered the fake kiss he gave this man. Guilt ran through his every being. He gave this man another lie. What if he thought that he likes him?

Ayase offered a counterfeit smile to Izaya which only worsened the color of the man's face.

"Sorry to keep you waiting." He sat down on the bed and looked at the tray with the food. He wanted to throw up again at the sight but he tried to stop himself, instead he distracted himself by looking at the man. He just hoped that he will not force him to eat the nauseating dishes. He will eat them if he were not an abnormal male. "You havin' a fever?" he asked, acting dumb as if he didn't know why Izaya's face was so red.

"E-eh?! You- Me?! Uh- uhm… I mean… no." he scratched his head, grinning, obviously out of words to say. "It's just that… you… Never mind. Hehehe. Why don't you just eat your breakfast? I'm sure you're hungry. I bet both of us didn't have our dinner last night, ne?" he picked up the fork and pierced it through the hotdog. "Say, 'Ahh'." He also opened his mouth so Ayase would imitate him, like feeding a child.

Ayase just looked at the red thing. It was just a fine hotdog but to Ayase's vision, it was covered with excess oils and he felt running to the washroom again. He shook his head fast as Izaya was about to feed him the hotdog. "I'm fine. I'm not hungry. I just want to sleep again if I'm allowed?" he asked for confirmation from Izaya who looked disappointed. He was thinking that maybe Ayase couldn't trust him. Maybe he was thinking that the food has poison or drugs.

But of course that was a lie. He was very hungry for Pete's sake. His child was slowly growing inside him and normally, he would eat a meal for two if it was to his liking. But right now, he was afraid to have a request because Izaya might interrogate him. And maybe once he knew the truth, he'll throw him out and he'll end up as a freelancer prostitute. He can't let that happen. What will become of his child?

"Maybe you don't like it." He looked so sad. "Would you mind a glass of milk instead? You know, at least a hot drink will fill your stomach."

Milk? That was a not a bad thing. "Okay, if you're persistent." He sounded as if he just accepted the treat because Izaya insisted it. Blame his pride for it.

Izaya's face enlightened. At last he could get Ayase take in something made by him. And maybe he could ask him what he would like for lunch. He smiled and took the tray with him back to the kitchen. He immediately poured hot water on the glass and added four heaps of the milk. He stirred it and since he was reluctant how sweet Ayase would like his milk to be, he just added more heap to it and brought it to their room.

Izaya has already brought the glass of milk to the waiting Ayase. He offered it to him and glad to see the enlightened face of Ayase. Izaya handed the glass to blond after making sure it was warm enough not to burn his hand. Izaya did nothing but smile but it faded away when he saw Ayase's swelling hand. He put the glass on the side table drawer and held the hand in front of him, eyes wide. He grabbed the other hand and thankful it was not in the same situation like the other.

He faced Ayase who was averting his yes.

"What happened to this?" He held the right hand a little higher, showing Ayase what he meant.

"I…" _A new you. _"I…" _Don't run away from this question. Show him the new and stronger you. Look into his eyes and tell the reason why you had a swelling hand. _"I punched the sink." He said with single breath as he looked into Izaya's eyes.

"Whhaat?! And why would you do that? What are you thinking, huh? What if you broke your hand, Yukiya?"

Instead of getting angry at the man yelling at him, Ayase felt… relieved. Yes, because even though Izaya was acting angry but the look in his eyes shouted concerned for him. He was concern about him breaking his hand.

"Because I want to try the new me. Hehehe, stupid reason but it's the truth. I want to become stronger, Izaya-san. Not just for me but for my…" he was about to finish with the word _child _and was thankful that he stopped himself and he thought for another word to finish it. "…for my future. I want to take revenge. I want to show _that _person that I can be stronger without him and that I can live without his aid." His anger caused him to clench his hand.

Ayase soothed the balled hand and he opened it. Kissing the palm and the back of it. "I'll help you to change, if that's what you want. But please don't get yourself hurt just because of that revenge. There are a lot of revenge and the healthiest way of revenge is improving yourself. Do you get that?" He smiled at him, "Now let's put bandage on this so that it won't—"

"No, Izaya-san, I'll be fine." His eyes landed on the milk on the side table drawer and his tummy was hurting with hunger. "And the milk is getting colder; I won't drink it if that's what will happen." He smiled, aching to drink the milk. He's hungry.

Izaya reluctantly gave Ayase the milk.

Ayase didn't stop drinking regardless the warmness of the liquid. It felt so good having something warm running from your mouth to your esophagus and down to your growling stomach. When the milk ran out, he felt like asking for more but was again so afraid. He didn't hold the glass high so that Izaya won't notice that he was hungry for more.

"Thank you. It was good."

"You want more?"

"No, thanks. It was enough." And still it was a lie. No one knows, except God, how hungry he was.

"Really? Because I thought you would also drink the glass." Izaya laughed out loud. A kind of laugh Ayase never heard from a long time when he was under Kanou's wings.

"Oh, not at all." Ayase smiled at him, a smile he swore to all the gods and goddesses that it was not counterfeit. It was so worry-free to do something honest to this man. He wanted to have a feeling like that every time but with the biggest secret he was keeping, there's no way to enjoy life with him.

"I know it's still early to ask this but, what would you like to eat for our lunch?"

_This is a time to have my request without suspicions. _Ayase thought. All his favorite dishes were on his mind already and he was selecting carefully. "I would like to eat sandwich with pickles and raisins." He looked at the other direction, thinking of other food he wanted for lunch. "Uhm, can I ask for fruits?"

"Sure. I also like eating fruits after my meals. Actually after my breakfast this morning, I helped myself with some apples and oranges. Hmmm… Yum!" he smiled at his own imagination of the fruits while rubbing his tummy.

"Apples and oranges, ne?" he secretly tried to recall the taste of those in his mouth. But the baby seemed to don't like them because he felt nauseous again. "What about mango?" he was actually talking to himself but Izaya interrupted.

"That would be delicious, too. So, you want mango as dessert?"

But the baby didn't like it, too. He enumerated more fruits in his mind and kept on imagining the taste. His baby has already decided, "I'd like to have raspberry and watermelon, is that okay?"

"Raspberry… a perfect combination of sweet and sour. And watermelon, sweet and thirst-quenching fruit. Not bad. Okay, I'll buy those." He kissed Ayase's forehead and said, "If you're not a guy I would think you're a craving pregnant. But I know that that won't happen no matter how much I wanted you to bear my child." He gave out a sad smile, took Ayase's hand and kissed his knuckles.

Ayase was so touched that he was in the brink of crying. He thought about Kanou saying these words. It would be better and he didn't have to use other people and to top it all, not to lie about the embryo inside who might be angry right now because his mother hadn't told anyone about his existence. But the person saying those was the person he personally met just last night.

"I'm sorry. I was out of my mind while I'm saying those." He put down Ayase's hand and lifted his body to stand up. "If you want to get more rest, please feel free to do so. I'll just gonna be out to have a shopping so that I can serve your order… MADAM." He grinned with his brows going up and down. "Bye~" he was about to open the door when Ayase blurted something he shouldn't have.

"And if I were a pregnant man? What would you do?" he bowed his head so that his bangs would cover his face, realizing how stupid he was for telling him.

"W-what?" the man stepped forward and went to sit back on the bed, caressing Ayase's face while slowly lifting his head so he would face him. "Would you… say that again?"

Ayase was so afraid that Izaya might also want to get rid of the baby or maybe throw him out. Because what he said was so clear that he wanted him to bear HIS child. And what's inside him belongs to the person who was not even interested in having a child. Ayase kept his head working for an alibi and ended with one idea. "Pfft! Hahahaha…" he laughed out loud so forcefully. He acted like he was really laughing and he even patted the bed many times to make his acting perfect. "J-just kidding!" he acted like having a difficulty of stopping himself from laughing. "G-gomen, Izaya-san. It's just that your face was so serious." He cleared his throat just like when you really wanted to stop your laugh. It was such a tiring work to do things forcefully. And guilt ran through him when he saw Izaya's very disappointed face.

"I- I thought you were really pregnant. I was thinking of taking responsibility to it even if its father is that Kanou." He smiled a very sad one. "Gotta go." Then he went out of the room, leaving Ayase looking into space.

Ayase bit his lip, smiling at the same time. _What's the matter? Don't tell me you have fallen for his tricks. Com'n, Yukiya, haven't you had enough with all the lies told to you by your former owner? That Izaya told you he was different from all men, but doesn't that what Kanou also told you? But you ended up disliked by him. So stop that smile before you get hurt. _And even though someone was scolding him behind his head- someone he didn't know where it came from- there's also a part in the bottom of heart that believes that the world was heaven filled with angels.

He will improve himself and that's for sure. And to do that, he needs Izaya.

But the question is how.


	6. Chapter 6

Two Months had passed by so fast and Ayase was now so worried because not only his tummy was getting more noticeable than before, but also his breasts had become visible. Izaya also kept on asking him why he was wearing jacket inside while it's not yet winter. And there's a heater in the condo so you shouldn't worry about freezing to death. But all he could answer to him is that he doesn't want to get a dark complexion. An alibi that turned Izaya's mind up and down. Who would believe to such an _incredible _lie? Truth is, since Ayase has a small body, so his tummy (after two months) was now obviously bigger. He would even intentionally slightly hunch his back in hopes of making his tummy look flat again.

"Izaya-san, I will clean the storage room, okay? I have done cleaning the whole house and I think we should also take notice of the storage room." Ayase shouted at Izaya who he didn't know was currently talking to a _client _through the phone outside the house.

Izaya covered the mouthpiece before answering Ayase. "Hai, hai." He looked very pale when he heard Ayase shout because the person he was talking on the phone was no other than Kanou's subordinate, Kuba Homare. Since Izaya was the greatest informant that lives in the twenty-first century, even Kanou's party chose him than any other investigators. They have done asking him by the time Ayase was gone but they just won't have enough with Izaya's negative answer. "I'm sorry, 'bout that Mr. Kuba. My maid was asking permission to me if she's going to clean the storage room. Haha, stupid maid. Where are we again?" He changed the topic as fast as possible in case Kuba might determine that it was Ayase's voice. His heart was beating very fast inside his ribcage.

"Ugh… no, nothing, Mr. Izaya. Seems like you're also doing other things and as an informant, you are busy with your other clients. I shall hang the phone now, if you'll excuse me." Homare said politely.

"Okay. Tell Kanou that I don't know where his beloved boy went. But as an informant, I will try my best to have a clue about his whereabouts."

"Okay, sir. Thank you so much for your time."

As they were about to hang up, Homare heard a loud scream 90on the next line. And the scream sounded familiar. Then he remembered the time when his Boss Kanou played a prank on Ayase. He threw at him a toy of a big black rat. Homare cursed his Boss for doing that to Ayase. Ayase screamed out his lungs just like the person on the next line did.

"Hey! Who was tha-" but Homare only heard a high-pitched tone that means Izaya has hang up the phone. "Could it be that...?"

000-000-000-000-000

"Izaya-san, I will clean the storage room, okay? I have done cleaning the whole house and I think we should also take notice of the storage room." Ayase didn't mean to shout but he didn't know where Izaya was at the moment. He was now heading to the storage room with key (to the room), feather duster, and dustpan and broom in both hands. He opened the door without bothering putting down the broom and dustpan.

As he stepped inside, he set aside the cleaning materials and his hand was searching for the switch. He found it not long after. He sighed at the sight before his eyes. There was a big dusty wooden shelf with a lot of books in different volumes. There was also a big window on the other part of the room, opposite of the shelf. It's not that dusty so he was relieved. He got a metal chair from a corner and he positioned it in front of the shelf. But Ayase forgot that when things are put in a storage room, those things must have some defect in them. And the chair's defect was that its one leg was already rotten with rust and the blond didn't see that.

He got three books (each has five hundred to seven hundred pages) in hands and stepped down to place them on the floor. To cut the story, he was intending to clear of the books first before he dusted it clean. He was now reaching for the books on the top part of the shelf. And in order to reach, he has to raise his heels so he was standing on his toe mounds. As he was doing so, the chair would creak but can still hold Ayase's weight. After getting three books and placing them on the floor together with the prior books he got, he stood up on the chair again and reached for books. Ayase felt the chair wobble and before he could get down and check for the problem, he found himself slowly (for what he could feel) falling on the floor. He knew he should at least use his hands to stop his stomach from hitting the floor but it already too late.

The searing pain was too much for him and he heard himself crying, his hand landed on his stomach. He looked at it but his heart sank when his gaze landed on the floor instead of his aching tummy. There were a lot of blood and he didn't need anyone to tell him that the not-so-loose-not-so-tight pants he was wearing was soaking in blood. He was horrified of the sight (not because he was afraid to see blood but because he knew that there's a possibility that he might lose his child). The thought alone scared him to death and he screamed. He screamed until he passed out because of the horror he felt.

000-000-000-000-000

"Hey! Who was tha-" but Homare only heard a high-pitched tone that means Izaya has hang up the phone. "Could it be that...?"

"Oi," Homare's brother said. "Why are you shouting at the informant?"

He looked at his brother. _If I tell him that I heard someone who sounded like Ayase-san, he might tell the Boss about it. _"Nothing." He closed his phone while secretly clenching to it. He just can't say that to his brother, not because he was not sure that that person is Ayase but because he knew that Ayase is safe with the informant. But with that scream he just heard, maybe something has happened to him. Damn it! He never asked where that squealer lives.

"Nothing? You look pale and then it's just nothing?" But the younger of the two didn't pry any more. Instead, he continued his work on the paper. Their boss was not here so they can't just slack off now.

Homare was about to sit on his own swivel chair when his phone rang again. He read the caller ID and was a bit disappointed that it was not the informant but Someya-san. He didn't hold grudge for the okama like his boss does, it's just that he thought that the informant would call again. But why would he?

"Yes? … Yes. … I'll be as fast as I could, Someya-san." Then he hung up and then sighed.

000-000-000-000-000

"Oh my God, danna-sama!" Someya cried as she entered Kanou's place. Her stomach roiled as something disgusting dared to pass through her nostrils. He covered her nose with her white hanky edged with pink lace. "And your place stinks like hell. Ayase would really scold you if he enters this apartment in this state."

Kanou was on the bed. And on the past two months, he never stopped hugging the pillow that used to have Ayase's scent, but since he never let go of it, his own smell transferred on the thing.

The bedroom was filled with empty bottles of beer and cases of Marlboro cigarette. The sheets of the bed that were supposed to be white have turned to yellowish. The giant, himself, also stinks. The dusty surroundings made the okama sneezed.

"You're such a big loser, right now. I think your body has forgotten how it feels under the shower. Please, danna-sama, clean yourself and Kuba-san will soon bring the cleaners to have this place a total makeover." She moved closer to the man who was still smothering his face on the pillow that really looks like a rag to the fussy okama. "Danna-sama, please, listen to me." He was gently shaking the big man because she was afraid that he might throw up on her.

Kanou turned his head to the _woman_, before speaking up. "Have you seen him, Someya?" his voice was hoarse due to the lack of water. He has been drinking beer day and night since the day his beloved was gone. Someya's head spun as she breathed in Kanou's very bad breath that smells like a rotten rat. "Oh, please, don't talk to me again." She pressed the hanky harder on her nose.

Someya cursed the Kuba twins for bringing in alcoholic drinks to Kanou. She was wondering why they are still so afraid to refuse their boss' orders when he was really out of his mind right now. They could have punched him for good without fearing of ending up floating in Tokyo Bay.

"Yukiya… Yukiya… Yukiya… Yukiya…" Kanou was on cloud nine again. He was always like this when the hang over hasn't left him yet. His mind was full of the blond angel's images. "I'm sorry, Ayase Yukiya. Come back to me, please." Then again he was hugging the pillow tightly and smothered on it. He was crying again and the woman can't help but feel pity to his childhood friend.

"Kanou." The woman also bore tears and wiped them femininely with her handkerchief. Kanou really looked helpless and he/she can't do anything to calm him down. If Ayase were here, none of this would have happened. The okama knew that something has happened the day he ran out of this man's office, crying. But even the twins didn't know what had actually happened inside the office. If Kanou would just brush his teeth and gargle his mouth with mouthwash after and talk to her, then her mind won't come up with different reasons why Ayase left him. And she can't find any reason why he would when Ayase himself- while he was drank- told her that he was deeply and madly in love with Kanou. Drank person is always honest as far she knows.

The doorbell rang and Someya dried her eyes gently as to not smear his eyeliner on her face and strolled to the front door. He saw Kuba, the older or younger, who cares? They don't even care if you call them names. He was with five maids from an agency.

"Kuba-san, your Boss is in the bedroom. You take care of him and I will take care of the maids."

"Yes, Someya-san."

The newcomers entered the apartment and started the tasks given to them. Kuba headed to where his Boss was and helped him clean himself. He didn't care about how much he stinks and just continued his work. While the maids were assigned to different rooms such as the Restroom, living room, study room, and the kitchen and one was assigned to the clothes washing. The one assigned in the clothes washing was also assigned by Someya to clean Kanou's bedroom. She gathered the clothes which were on the floor for a long time already. Even the clothes Ayase wishes to wash when he gets home from Kanou's office that time were left untouched in the clothes basket.

The place started to look like a house again after how many hours. And Kanou looked like a human again. His beard and mustache that grew thick on his face were now gone. And his breath was very fresh. But then he was sitting on the couch in the living room, looking into space and still clinging on the pillow. He won't give it to anyone no matter what.

Someya was now breathing the air inside the house without a handkerchief on her nose. "Now, that this place is back to normal, I think, Kuba-san, you can send the maids back to the agency, please." Someya said, sitting next to Kanou.

"Yes, Someya-san." the raven bowed and guided the maids out of the apartment and drove them back to the agency.

"Danna-sama?" Someya tried to get Kanou's attention but to no avail. He was really in his own world where Ayase was still smiling at him. She gave up, instead, focused on the box on the table one of the maids showed her. Someya thought that some of Ayase's personal things were kept in there so she didn't let them throw it. He opened and saw random things like a small envelope, necklace, ring, a little plastic umbrella, a pair of Barbie shoes- which she thought was weird since Ayase, as far as she remembered, would insist that HE IS a straight guy. But the thing which made her eyes almost jump out of their sockets was the white plastic. By the shape of it, she could tell that this thing was no ordinary. She slowly turned since it was showing its back to her. And she was right. The thing possessed two red lines. Lines which would make a couple happy. Lines which means a life is forming inside a mother's womb.

Instead of feeling happy, Someya's blood boiled and slapped Kanou hard on his face, showing him the pregnancy test kit. "What's the meaning of this, Kanou?" she was fully aware that her poise was gone, but she has to know the truth why Ayase has left him. "Why would something like this be inside Ayase's personal things, huh?"

Kanou looked at the thing idly, loading of what Someya was holding. "Pregnancy test kit? Someone has impregnated you, okama? Shouldn't you be happy about that? Or you would tell me that I am the father of that child? So you took advantage of my body while I was in dreamland. Don't worry, I will give you money for you and the baby's living. Just leave me and Ayase in my dreamland, o-"

Another slap stopped Kanou from finishing his statement. "Even if I want to have my own child, I can't. And if I was given a chance to have one, I swear to the Almighty above us that you're not going to be the father of him." She was not acting joker here, but because it's the truth. It's better not to have a child if the father is Kanou. "This thing doesn't belong to me. Didn't you hear me? I found this thing inside a box where Ayase kept his personal things. Don't you get it? This belongs to Ayase."

"What?" Kanou said, very shocked that it's almost a whisper. The hang over was gone when he heard the news. "You mean… he was-" the idea was in his mind but still he can't believe it.

"Can you explain to me how is this possible, Kanou? How hard are you doing little Ayase that you made him pregnant? Did you force him to have a sex change, huh?" Someya was very mad at Kanou. If it was true, he'll surely give this man another slap.

"Hell no! Why would I? He… He is a hermaphrodite. But, we thought that he's infertile so we are doing those kinds of things without using any protection. And besides, he, himself, told me that he has not yet experienced having a monthly period since he turned into a teen ager. Then why would he become pregnant. I don't understand."

"My God, Kanou, you're being a jackass. It's already been a long time since you knew that he is a two-sex bearer and yet you hadn't spoken a thing to me. Enough with the blaming. Now tell me what really happened back there in your office. The time when he ran out of your office, crying. Maybe it's time you tell. It will be just me, I promise." She calmed down herself before she could do something a _lady_ shouldn't do.

Kanou's tears ran down his cheeks without notice as he remembered the things he said to him. The whole happenings flashed back in his mind about what had happened before he lost Ayase. He told Someya the thing he had said to him and while relaying it to the okama, his heart hurt like hell when he realized how those words really had hurt his fragile boy.

"Those were the things I told him before he ran away, Someya." He sobbed without him noticing it. "I-I was… I was out of my mind that time, Someya. The American investors were my top priority that time and because I don't want to lose the chance of having them as my clients, I forgot about Ayase and I said those harsh words to him." he turned to Someya with very pathetic and wet face. "Someya, I never meant to say those words. You know how much I love him. I can't live without him." He hunched and face palmed. He thought he was very stupid for he let his tiredness take over him.

"You were able to let those Americans sign a contract to invest in your company, right? You succeeded on your plan. Your money got bigger again. But someone priceless slipped your grip. Someone you know can't be changed and replaced by another gem and someone who can't be as loving as him." She was still very angry at Kanou but litany was not Kanou needed right now. He needed a friend whom he could cry on and that's her. He rubbed his back to comfort him. "We'll find him, Kanou. I'm sure we can find him if you would come back to yourself."

And surprisingly but expected, Kanou sobbed on the crook of Someya's neck. "Someya, I want to take care of him. I want to touch his tummy with our child slowly growing inside. I want to be there when he delivers him. I want to be called 'father.' I want to hold our baby in my arms. I want him, Someya, I want him. I want him back in my life."

"Shhh… I know, Kanou. But for now, all we could do is pray that he is on the safe hand." She kept on rubbing Kanou's back and let him cry as much as he wanted. She even forgot how expensive her apricot kimono was. But the thought that her friend needs her was enough for her.


End file.
